Everything...

that I was afraid of happening, happened.

It wasn't as bad as I thought. But as I was sitting there, joking with him, and talking to him, and wondering what heck he was wearing, and he joked on me, and we joked and laughed and etc- I was aware of what was happening. Trying to stop it. Trying to turn around and pay attention and forget that he had decided to take the desk beside me. Trying to remember the sweet boy who texted me this morning with a "Have a good day!" and the friend who was elsewhere praying this wouldn't happen.

Nothing has "happened" yet. But it's only a matter of time. It's one thing when you're oblivious to yourself sinking into bad things. After all, ignorance is bliss. It's totally different when you can feel it happening and can't stop it.

Better luck tomorrow.