Thursday, January 8, 2009

a tuesday-ish thursday.

Tonight I got pulled over for, ahem, speeding. Yeah, yeah, I know. I didn't get a ticket,just a warning. Well, I did have places to be. As I pull away, my kudzu calls. I HAD texted him- for good reason- but calling?! Pardon the pun, but that's uncalled for. I told him I'd text him later. I did and got my point across and ended it. After I hung up, though, "Come on get higher" came on- saying this:

I miss the sound of your voice
The loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said

Gee. thanks, 100.9! Right after it? "Addicted" by Saving Abel:

all the sounds you make with every breath
you take its not like anything
i'm so addicted to you
addicted to you

not to mention, i have more anatomy quizes all week on crazy weird stuff that I can't rmember. and after that class, I head to you know, that class. It's not as hard as I anticipated, though. It's actually easy. We are falling right back into that friendship that I missed so, so, so, so much. The first part. Before I loved him. Now, I can't say I won't love him again. I'm kind of scared to let myself be his friend. But it's easy. It was always easy, that friendship of ours. I have no clue what will happen from here. I do know I'm alienating my other friend. Nice guy, he is. Don't know if he's my guy though, and it has nothing to do with kudzu. I don't know. Maybe I'm just weird. In fact, I know I am. But we have instincts for a reason. Don't we?

I've decided what I want to be: unstoppable. A force of nature. Something to be reckoned with. Someone people want to be like. Someone worth looking up to. Someone's who's the opposite of scared, or as my best friend says, "cautious." I mean, there's nothing wrong with protecting yourself until you start letting yourself miss out on things you should experience. Everyone will experience hurt at some point, so you might as well go ahead and get used to it. And I mean, nothing wrong with protecting yourself until the hurt is really worth it. But I want to be someone who plows through the hurt. Without looking back. Unstoppable. That's what I want to be. That's who I wish I was.

I'm working on it. Starting with making an A in anatomy. So I gotta study!

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