Wow. Last weekend's good things have been replaced with this weekend's bad things. I'm ready for a fresh start tomorrow.
The best news I can report is that I finished my paper. Can I get a hallelujah and an amen and hip, hip, hooray? I'm not feeling very good about it, but regardless, it's FINISHED! It's a total relief, but it was really stressing me out, and I snapped more than a few times this weekend. Not to mention that worked from 8:30at. and that I had to vaccuum that morning. I was already kind of fkgbkidfgikrgkhifkg...you know? Christmas is another stress, but another good thing is that I get paid Tuesday, and Wednesday, I have GOT to finish shopping. I've been so looking forward to Christmas, but everytime I thought about it, I'd think, "Before Christmas is here, I have to write that paper." Well, now it's done, and I am soooooo relieved.
But, on the other hand, I'm mad at my sister and I guess my bff is still mad at me. I'm mad at my sister because she ditched me- we were supposed to do this holiday thing Saturday night and I got off work early to do it, rushed home, all excited because I was so stressed and this would take my mind off of it- and she canceled. About ten minutes before I reached her house. I was so angry. I yelled at her. Loudly.
I spent the night at home, since it was really too late to find something else to do. It was fun, but I was still pissed. And then I got pretty angry at my best friend, because she feels the need to drop in these comments about me. Sometimes, it's fine, and other times, it's kind of like, "Was that necessary?" I don't ever really say anything about it, but Saturday night was not the night to start in with that and she was being all weird about freaking out about our double date, and acting like I needed her to go on a date with me. I've been on several dates- none with her. I can handle it. Really. But her acting like I couldn't was making me start to question myself and then start freaking out and I was already stressed out and pissed off, and all of those things are a bad conversation. This morning, when the conversation continued, I was regretting every saying anything about the whole comment situation. I should have let it go. And now she's not answering my texts, but there's nothing I can do about it. I really do feel what I said, but I should have kept it to myself.
And here I am, on Sunday night. I'm really wishes for this Friday or something. I'm ready for next semester- I'm ready to tackle that situation- and I'm ready to get away from some of the people I'm with now and make new friends.
But when I think of that, I think about how next semester is my last.
And that, my friends, gives me the heebie jeebies. All of this was running through my head tonight on the way home from church, where I'd gone for an inspirational something and all we did was play scattergories- and this is the song I heard:
You would think only so much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume that this one has suffered her share
Life will be kinder from here
Sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear
But our hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our hope is unchanged
Perspective, people. And hope.I've got a little bit of hope in my heart right now about second semester- and it's some text messages on my phone :)
Good luck for Monday!!